Reflection

 

 

The greatest win is when you can beat yourself.  I do think I can beat my self not to do things that so tempting.  But it is not stop only to the moment you successfully prohibited yourself of doing things you must avoid.  The feeling as it subsequent is even more hurt than not doing it. 

 

In the world where you have to communicate with people around you, sometimes you just have to listen and do what others want.  I remember a friend of me said that he has an ear to listen to so many people’s problem as his work, but he barely has a significant and caring person to listen to his problem. 

 

This things even more complicated if it deals with someone that you love.  Sometimes you really wanna do something for whatever the reason is, but the one that you love doesn’t want it.  And at the contrary, you really don’t wanna do things that your love want it badly.  You trapped in a peculiar feeling whether you’re going to do what you want or what your spouse want.  Kinda sticky situation that you really want to avoid.  And if this things happen regularly that you start to recognize the rhytm it sometimes cause a bad effect.  A friend of mine who happen to experience bad relationship with his spouse and always controlled by her seemed to lose his own personality and desire.  Od course I never expect myself to be in the above situation.

 

Today, I also realize that one of my friend seemed so gloomy.  I was wondering what happen to him till I know from a source that he’s in the process to fix things in his life.  Well, I really appreciate things that he described so trutfully.  In the middle of the ideal condition he wanna create and the present comforting condition, he has no idea of what to choose.  Dilemma is proven easily make people get crazy.  But I learn that when you being in such situation, the easiest thing is being honest.  Honest about what you want, especially to God.

 

Once, I was doing bad things against God’s will.  I was trapped in a dilemma of stay in the sin which cause guilty feeling even it is so enjoyable, and in a conscience to fix self and please God with my behavior.  I really hard to choose.  So, I said that in my prayers.  And God open the way.  The comfy situation that brought me to sin, without my intervension, seemed to be taken away from me.  Hurt, yes. But in the time when you cannot choose but accept, you’ll learn to survive it. 

 

Life is full of contradiction. 

 

30 October 2005 11.47 p.m.

Special Day for A Special Person

 

What so special about today? Today is my boyfriend 25^th birthday. I’ve known him for more than 5 years since the first time I recognized his existence at my campus on 1999. That time, he looked so young and naïve. But I was wrong. He’s much mature compare to his appearance.

The longer I know him, the more I aware that he’s such a great person. Smart for sure, wise, good leader, idealistic and so many other characters I adore so much from him. Despite all those things, I’m very happy to have him with me.

He’s just called me and make some reflections of the past year and future wish :

I’ve been through many big things this year. Final assignment, graduation, relationship’s problems, starting to work, and so many other. And I’m glad I can pass it.

For the next year, I want to have my life set up well, dare to take decisions, never hesitate for whatever the situation is.

Well, the same wish for me to him as well. My relationship with him was not so easy about several months ago. We’ve been through many conflicts and rearranges our relationship. As for me, our relationship condition now is much better compare to the past time. After so many war, we understand each other better and even getting closer and closer. At least, I feel that way. He also take a brave decision concerning my relationship with him, not only about the conflict resolution but also to take a step ahead for our relationship future.

One more thing, I believe that this year he learns more about betrayal and friendship. Well, sometimes a person who you trust very well can have hidden characters that you wouldn’t now until you get a clash with him or her. I wish he can fix it.

Hmmmm ….. start to get sleepy. So’ I’m going to sleep now.